write carelessly. [tati]

[Naima Youssef]

click for outfit

---

It wasn't like Naima despised her.

Truth be told, she should have every right to hold a grudge but as she locked up the bookstore for the night, only a small wave of frustration and betrayal struck the chords of her unworthy heart. Denial was not only a river in Egypt, as so many had told her in the past.

She remembered the first time they met, how she had her hair up in a ridiculously hideous bun that just made her look even more charming than she already was. She remembered that itty bitty black dress she had on at the bar, those large platform pumps that made her legs look longer and smoother than they already were. Naima was only fifteen then; a fifteen year old who was as flat as a surfboard, too tall,too skinny, and wearing a men's button up shirt with some tiny shorts and biker boots. Her hair had been longer then, reaching her mid back. The only thing gorgeous Naima ever found of herself was her hair...because it was the only thing people ever complimented her on. They were in Casablanca, Morocco, where Naim spent her entire life up until the last two years. It was a usual hot and sticky night and everyone was dancing, drinking, laughing...and Naima was sitting alone at the bar, not knowing exactly what she should do until Tatiana moved away from her friends and walked right up to her and asked her to dance.

It was like someone let her snort an eight ball of coke in one shot. Before she knew it, she couldn't stop thinking about her and little casual get togethers turned into steamy nights in Tatiana's apartment and sweet mornings of lounging on the beach. While Tatiana had always been beautiful, glamorous, wealthy...Naima had always been ungraceful, a smart-ass, and extremely poverty stricken which explained her skeletal frame. She was still just as skinny, maybe a tad bit more weight on her now. She didn't have her father anymore, the old man dead just two months after Tati took off. But now Naima knew exactly why Tati left...She'd cheated on her...and gotten pregnant as a result...

And now she was married and had a child and Naima knew, even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to compete. She had a family. She had a life. All Naima had was her books, her career, and herself which was how she wanted it, right? She should have known better than to fall for someone. People died for love - Troy fell because of the love Paris held for Helen despite her being married to another man. In her eyes, it wasn't fair but nothing in life was fair. What did she expect? A box of jelly donuts and a nice cup of warm coffee?

Turning around, she smiled at the female before her. They had spent the entire night talking away about God knows what in the bookstore. They talked about how their lives changed so dramatically from their drug induced haze in Morocco, or at least Tati's haze...Naima never touched drugs and remembered constantly trying to remind Tati that drugs weren't right for her...that she loved her when she was sober because when she was high she was a different person. The most Naima ever did was smoke cigarettes. Drugs and alcohol were never her trademark, "I still can not believe someone objected at your wedding," she chuckled a bit at the thought. If Naima had been there, she imagined herself objecting but knew the exact opposite would have happened. She would have sat quietly and watched the love of her life walk down the aisle, "But it's the past. What's your son like?"

Naima was just being polite...because deep down she didn't want to know. She didn't want to know how wonderful her life was and how she managed to get the happily ever after Naima had been pinning for since she was a child but figured she would never obtain.